"Hold me like a baby"

If you're friends with me, you most likely have heard me say, "hold me like a baby." I will say it when I feel fragile, sad, tired or overwhelmed. It just means that you want people beside you. That maybe if you were alone instead, you would end up sobbing in bed. If someone holds you like a baby, you stop crying. You feel comforted and you feel secure.

Recently, this week to be exact, I've felt the need for someone to hold me like a baby. It is like the month of October hit and I suddenly realized that the end of college is near (aka how am I a senior?). How will I go on? How can I walk out the DDD doors and know it is the end? It hit me during recruitment week also, but it was different than the way I feel today.

It was the last philanthropy round with my best friends. We sang and jumped louder than we ever had before. It was the last skit round for us, but we couldn't help get teary when it was the last time for Betsy Kate to be Justin Timberlake and for us to dance & sing to "Best Song Ever." It was the last pref round for us to look around the room at each other in matching blue dresses, and for us to hear Ali give her speech about how she was an only child, but found all her sisters here. I had to leave the room because I was a blubbering 21-year-old. That seemed real, but it was an actual event: recruitment.

We don't have many more specific events to mark an ending, we more have moments. Thankfully, we have time. Moments of Sonic happy hour runs, walks at Lamar Park, watching Scandal and drinking wine, busting into the kitchen to find the frozen cookie dough, playing pranks on each other, dancing to new 1D songs, guessing what our future husbands will be like, and eating every meal together.

It hit me this week, not for the first time, but for the most dramatic, that in a few short months, we won't all be together.

I say I'm ready to graduate and that statement is true, to a certain extent. I'm ready to be done with homework, late night test cramming where my eyes feel heavy and walking to 8 a.m. classes in the cold. But am I really ready to leave these people? No.

In college you become who you really are, I believe. The people behind these big Tri Delta doors have been with me through thick and thin. To celebrate and enjoy every happy moment and to "hold me like a baby."

Last night I felt down, but after talking to a friend she said I can't dwell on all of the "lasts." I know that to be true, but that's understandable that it is hard, right? Well, I am going to try though to not over think this.

These days, these people and these experiences were all made to happen for a reason; nothing is random. So, how could I not chose to enjoy them?

Instead of looking up in a room when all of my friends of all grades are together and thinking how our days are limited, I will take a different outlook. How lucky am I to be surrounded by these people? How lucky am I to have all of my best friends just a few steps away from me every day?

It is here that I've found my people. My best friends, my partners in crime, my big sisters and little sisters, my bridesmaids, my squirrel girls, my circle. We have FOMO when we're apart, we can't imagine Christmas break (six weeks?!), and we enjoy just sitting in silence, knowing the others are just there.

I think I'll still need people to "hold me like a baby." We all need that security and assurance. But in those moments, instead of panic coming across me about limited moments and time restraints, I can challenge myself to think of how lucky I am. As I tell everyone, "it's fine, it's fine," maybe I need to remind myself of that more often, too.

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:27